but, Do I Want to Forgive?
I have been struggling with Forgiveness as an act and as a philosophy for a while so I went in to see my doctor about it and the whole time I’m seated there listening to her, I’m thinking “it's not fair.” She’s talking about forgiveness and how it's choosing to accept what happened instead of focusing on what should’ve, that it simply means letting go and stepping into the present instead of anchoring in the past and don’t get me wrong, she’s right, I agree with her. But I still can't stop thinking, “do I want that?, do I just let go?” People think that not forgiving is anchoring into the past, and I’m here thinking about how I still feel like it happened this morning. If it really was in the past, it would remain there, like childhood memories or toys or childhood friends. But this, trauma doesn’t feel like that, it's like every day I go to the cinema to watch it happen all over again in 3D, every day. And she’s seated there across me saying, "let go?" "