but, Do I Want to Forgive?

By -

 I have been struggling with Forgiveness as an act and as a philosophy for a while so I went in to see my doctor about it and the whole time I’m seated there listening to her, I’m thinking “it's not fair.” She’s talking about forgiveness and how it's choosing to accept what happened instead of focusing on what should’ve, that it simply means letting go and stepping into the present instead of anchoring in the past and don’t get me wrong, she’s right, I agree with her. But I still can't stop thinking, “do I want that?, do I just let go?”

People think that not forgiving is anchoring into the past, and I’m here thinking about how I still feel like it happened this morning. If it really was in the past, it would remain there, like childhood memories or toys or childhood friends. But this, trauma doesn’t feel like that, it's like every day I go to the cinema to watch it happen all over again in 3D, every day. And she’s seated there across me saying, "let go?" "Forgive?"

Maybe I’m a little mad and I’m not looking at this objectively but what happens after forgiveness? You’ll feel better apparently, and as someone who hasn’t forgiven, I can't know if that’s true or not but- and this here is my problem with the whole forgiveness structure, do I forget what happened after I forgive? Does my life cease to have that moment, does the cinema close? Because I believe everyone is capable of forgiveness, perhaps even me but I have to forgive AND keep reliving this? I forgive but I get to keep these memories? I dunno, that sounds extremely tedious to me.

I simply don’t think everyone deserves forgiveness, I think forgiveness for me is like letting them go from my hate jail when they deserve to be sentenced for multiple lifetimes. And I know there’s a toll on me but I’d rather pay that toll than live life having let go of something that hurt me this much. What happens after forgiveness? Because regardless of whether I forgive them or not, their life remains unchanged and unconsequential and that already makes me so mad and yet I should forgive and just let go?

I’m sorry but I just don’t get the appeal.

 

 

 

Let's go back to the Basics.

Comments

  1. AnonymousDecember 13, 2022 at 9:52 AM

    I don't know about you but, I find it extremely refreshing how this article manages to voice exactly how I feel on a daily basis.

    ReplyDelete
  2. YvonneMay 9, 2023 at 9:48 AM

    It is the part where you've said their life remains unchanged and unconsequential that got to me. Great job Muinde.

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousJune 8, 2023 at 10:13 AM

    This is soo real! I just read my thoughts written by someone else

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousAugust 16, 2024 at 9:36 PM

    I came across a relationship specialist who revived my relationship, my boyfriend came back to me and promised to love me forever.....

    He also cured me Hsv-2

    Make Ex fall back in love with you.

    VIA.. ROBINSONBUCKLER11@GMAIL.COM

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Thank you for being part of the Basics Society.

Popular posts from this blog

Abused by love.

By -
Image
The question usually is why I called my blog Basics. The answer is rather simple, the things I talk about are things we already know about, they're basic. All I do is provide a little retrospect and sometimes different perspective. I discovered that we know so much, but knowing only implies understanding, it does not mean it. What I'm going to be writing about below are things you know, and I'm sorry about the monotony but as you read this, it's of import that you pay attention; that you understand. So recently, one of the most urban and gorgeous person I know was abused, and talking to her I kept realizing that it's not that she didn't know, it's not naivety that gets people abused. It really isn't. As children of God, I find that humans, like their father, are very judgemental. And sitting in the seat of the judge means you feel pure, exempt from the happenings of those you judge. We convince ourselves that we would handle things better if ...
Read more

The Art of Gifting

By -
Image
I intended to write about this way early into last year because of how shit the gifts I received that year was, but life comes at you so fast I hadn’t gotten time to research and do the yadayada before writing an article such as this. But then I met someone that reignited that spark only this time it was different, the complete opposite. They gifted me with sequences that were the most thoughtful gifts ever, and I mean ever. But then it occurred to me that it was much more than the thoughtfulness of the gifts and thus we are here to explore gifting a little more. I am overflowing with emotion over those gifts as I write this; Before we delve into it, love languages are meant to be independent as well as integrated and as such, this article is not meant for gifters and lovers that only understand love in gifting rather this is an article for you if you intend to express a little more love into the world, to your loved ones, to your victims. You see dear reader, gifts aren...
Read more

Expectations

By -
Image
The most prevalent wrong advice I've heard is 'don't have expectations and you won't get hurt.' and while I would see where that comes from, I just go whotf. So I have two problems with this advice, one is "you won't get hurt?" And you people actually believe that,? How much longer are we going to deny the fact that like happiness, hurt and pain is what life is? I mean, don't you want character development? Ha. And two is "don't have expectations?" What? (You gotta say the "what" like @stacythiru does) So, you just get what you get and that's it? You don't get to yearn for more and better? That's bullshit if you ask me.  Basically, this is me telling you the thing about expectations. One, most expectations are natural. It's what's expected. Like you getting good grades, you might get told that you have to over and over, but you already know you have to. No one sits down and writes things they ...
Read more