Abused by love.

The question usually is why I called my blog Basics. The answer is rather simple, the things I talk about are things we already know about, they're basic. All I do is provide a little retrospect and sometimes different perspective. I discovered that we know so much, but knowing only implies understanding, it does not mean it. What I'm going to be writing about below are things you know, and I'm sorry about the monotony but as you read this, it's of import that you pay attention; that you understand.

So recently, one of the most urban and gorgeous person I know was abused, and talking to her I kept realizing that it's not that she didn't know, it's not naivety that gets people abused. It really isn't.

As children of God, I find that humans, like their father, are very judgemental. And sitting in the seat of the judge means you feel pure, exempt from the happenings of those you judge. We convince ourselves that we would handle things better if we were ever a victim to the stories we hear. We're always wondering why people do certain things, why they go to certain places, why they say certain things and why or how they end up in certain situations. Tell me you haven't thought about how calm you'd be during a plane crash instead of panic like they do in movies?

The thing about the effectiveness of abuse; whether emotional or physical, to cause trauma is because 87 percent of the time, it's unprecedented. It comes from the places it shouldn't. The people we love, the people that love us. As such, when you wonder why people end up in abusive relationships, it's simply because the only way to know it's abusive is to end up in one. You never know until it actually happens. You can't almost ever tell from the beginning; they're loving, and warm and the kindest with the happiest eyes. Even you wouldn't be the wiser. They weren't kidding when they said love is blind. Sometimes however, abuse escalates. It starts somewhere. 

Could be; them raising their voice at you, throwing things around when they're mad, 

banging doors, them being over controlling when they're mad, abuse to your pets, 

them threatening you, if they as much as shove or push you when they're emotionally high, 

tightening their grip when you say no, tricking you into doing things you don't want to, the mere feeling of unsafety whenever they're not happy. That's when you know. Thats when the abuse starts.

And I don't mean to make it sound easy, when it's happening to you it's harder than it sounds for it be simply black and white. You'll probably think that you would do the same if you got that mad, you'll blame yourself for triggering them; for making them mad, you'll think it's a one-off because of how amazing they usually are, you'll be scared of what happens if you leave, they'll even say that it won't happen again, and maybe they are lying, maybe it won't happen again but you see baby, it's already happened. It doesn't matter whether they were high or drunk, it doesn't matter what they were going through, it means squat who's fault it was that they got mad. It also means nothing that they aren't usually like that and more importantly, it means nothing how you feel for them or how they feel for you or how much they've done for you. Abuse is the line, it's your cue to bolt.(it's okay if you're thinking about Usain Bolt, I was too. But simply put, run.)

The mere probability that things will get worse from there on should be absolutely terrifying. Next time he won't throw things around, it'll be at you. Next time she won't punch the wall, it'll be your face. Next time it won't be a grip, it'll be a death choke. No matter how beautiful what you had is, abuse is not the price to pay. You run.(I'm beginning to sound like an athletics coach). It means nothing what they did for you before, how much they were there for you, how much you think they love you. That's the past and this is not a future you want to endure because of a past.

But if it does happen to you, it's not the end of the world. And it's never going to be your fault that it happened. They could gaslight you into thinking that, but I'm telling you it isn't. It's better if you believe me because I'm the philosopher and he isn't. You need to understand that there are people that are willing to help you, that there is so much love in the world for you. Now is an absolutely good time to leave, it's never going to be too late to walk out. You deserve a lot more than traumatic experiences from love. 

Love isn't always going to be roses and cum, i know. But love is innately a beautiful experience. Abuse scars you, physically, emotionally and deep enough to scar you subconsciously. And not even love is worth a price that high. You must will yourself into understanding that you deserve better. 

To take care of yourself.