The Evolution of Self-Harm II; Non Maleficence

This is going to be controversial(did I say a bit?) so if you choose to read it, do so with at least an open mind. For a while, even within the understanding of the purpose pain and denial play in our faiths and social conditionings I always struggled with the general concept that the only way to earn love and acceptance is through them. That the more you suffer in the name of, the more the reward? I assume there are reasons above my understanding that things work the way they do, but here's what I think. The self-denial of pleasure is actively self-harm.

Take, for instance, fasting. It’s lauded in many religious traditions as a way to grow spiritually, to cleanse the soul, or to get closer to God. I get it. But doesn’t denying your body of sustenance which it needs to function, sound like something wrong? Is it just me? There’s something profoundly difficult for me to reconcile here. Fasting, in essence, makes you weak, drained, and at times, irritable, yet somehow, enduring this physical pain is virtuous? You fast for 30 days, or even just for a day, denying yourself basic physical comfort with the promise of spiritual elevation—but isn’t it still self-harm in disguise? Maybe justified self-harm, but still Dre?

Look at celibacy as another example. Society has placed such high moral value on abstaining from sexual pleasure, especially in certain religious contexts which I will not name here. If sex is supposed to be a natural and pleasurable part of the human experience, why is there so much emphasis on denying it? The idea that abstaining now will somehow make you more ‘pure’ or deserving of love and acceptance later feels, to me, like we’re being conditioned to accept suffering as currency, but maybe that's an exaggerated way of looking at it. And I’m not talking about sex alone. It extends to desires we all have, be it emotional, physical, or material. Somehow, the less we indulge, the more worthy we are perceived to be. But again, isn’t that the very framework of self-harm?

The pattern repeats itself in many areas of life(society works overtime to reinforce ideals)—working yourself to the bone, denying yourself rest in the name of hustle culture. We’re conditioned to believe that suffering and grinding ourselves down will eventually lead to success. But at what cost? Sure, we might achieve the goal, but are we not damaging our mental and physical health along the way? The "no pain, no gain" mentality may have its roots in good intentions, but it perpetuates this idea that pleasure, rest, and happiness are things we have to earn through struggle and hardship.

I think that life is difficult as is, therefore putting in effort and work to make it more difficult just doesn't add up for me, but I'm bad at math, so maybe that's why. Here’s what I think: I will not say that life isn’t that serious, because sometimes it is, but I think you should unregretfully go for things that will make you happy and comfortable. Of course, in life, there aren’t absolutes, so naturally, the pursuit of pleasure is mitigated by risk—it’s not really a pleasure if the consequences are greater than the reward.

But the constant denial of joy, of satisfaction, of even basic comfort, seems like we're just preemptively punishing ourselves. But what did you do that was so wrong that you have to constantly keep punishing yourself? I’m not saying every indulgence is a good idea—there’s a balance to strike—but we’ve built a culture that glorifies struggle and sacrifice, often at the cost of our mental and physical well-being(which is wildly crazy to me). And the idea that it’s somehow virtuous to suffer? That’s the part I struggle with. Why is discomfort a badge of honour? Why does denying ourselves have to be a testament to our worth?

Maybe the key is in recognizing that life is hard enough without us willingly adding more layers of difficulty. Self-denial in the name of future rewards should be a choice, not an obligation and if anyone brings up free will I will throw a tomato at them. There’s no moral failing in seeking pleasure, in enjoying what makes you happy now, instead of always waiting for a promised reward that may or may not come. So, while we navigate the complexities of life, maybe we should start questioning whether the discomfort we inflict on ourselves is truly necessary or if we’re just perpetuating an outdated belief that pain equals virtue.

In the end, it’s about balance. Go after what makes you happy, but be mindful of the risks. Enjoy the pleasures of life, but don’t let them become destructive. And most importantly, stop equating denial with righteousness. Life doesn’t have to be a constant uphill battle; sometimes it’s okay to take the easy road and just enjoy the view.

If you haven't read the first piece, here.