Why you didn't know

The people closest are always the last to find out. Or most often are when it comes to depression. And over time, from Twitter to real life I've heard people put it on them that it was because they didn't pay attention enough or because they didn't love them enough and there was a resultant pain streak where parents and lovers drown in guilt thinking, i wasn't enough. 

So maybe this is my own pov but other members of the depressed society agree with me so hear me out. While in cases where the trauma cause is the loved ones, guilt is a misjudgement. So listen and hear me well if you've lost someone to depression or suicide and didn't see it coming. 

It's not because you didn't pay enough attention that you missed the signs, it's not because your love was not enough that what happened happened. I assure you, you didn't know because they didn't want you to know. There aren't any signs because they make sure there aren't any, it's because you love them and that they love you that you won't see. I don't want you to feel guilty over it, it's okay if you feel sad and angry about how things happened but not guilty. Because you couldn't have known. So I'm guessing the question is, why wouldn't they want me to know? I mean, you were so close, they seemed so happy.

Think of it like this, you're generally what we'd call an okay person. You're happy more often than not, you're with happy people more often than not. So if you're on the beach, having the time of your life with perhaps say your significant other and you receive a call from your "friend". He's crying, he's sad. Do you go back to having fun? No you do not. By coming to you with an issue you cannot help with, I've only spread sadness. Now your significant other is feeling invaded because i just invaded your space and now you're sad and worried for me. See, for you, this is a shift because you're usually happy. You're subconsciously panicking on my behalf. And all this is happening because you love me, because you care for me. So put yourself in my shoes, how do you think we'd feel knowing we just ruined your day? Okay, i know what you're thinking, " i signed up for this so I'm okay with it. I know what i signed up for was not going to be a walk in the park and I'm okay with it". But see, am i. We can't go around ruining lives, especially not for people that love us. I mean, if i come to you and tell you rn that I'm sad because of trauma, there's nothing you can do about it. You can't make me forgive them or forget what happened, instead, now you're sad for me. 

See, while it might be wrong, this is their way of protecting you. This isn't because they don't want your love or your care, it's not because we don't need it. It's more because we're scared of what our pain will do to you. I know this is a little too cliche but i promise, it's not you it's me.