The Long Distance Dilemma

If you are in a long-distance relationship perhaps it isn’t the best thing for you to read my thoughts on it. You would not agree one bit with everything else in this piece but if you do insist on hearing me out- a grain of salt. (and no, Juja and Rongai do not count as a long-distance relationship). The following is a conclusion I came to on why I, which of course denotes personal preference, would not be in a long-distance relationship. Of course through a multitude of conversations with has-beens and even currents in long-distance relationships.
So I know what you’re thinking, “he’s probably going to say his love language is physical touch and yadda yadda,” but you’re wrong. If you’ve read my blog you know I don’t believe in those. My opinions are not that superficial, unfortunately.
I found that like a lot of things in life, ldr’s are difficult and complicated but basically in my opinion it came down to this. Love, in its essence, remains unaltered by distance. From how it feels to how we express it. Whether you are a deluded love languages believer or winging it through love (I know we’re meant to wing it because Cupid has wings) we all essentially express it similarly: touch, gifts, actions that have an emotional attachment, affirmation or however else you do. Which is the first challenge that long-distance relationships face, proper expression of claimed love to the acknowledgement of the expression denoting love. And I know there are ways to mitigate distance being a problem but; How do I know you really liked that gift I sent you if I don’t get to see your very first reaction; How do I know that you mean your affirmations when we can’t make eye contact while you affirm me?. And even without going too much in-depth, sex and sexual well-being in a relationship play such a central role and most people are oblivious to it and the absence of physical intimacy isn't just a missing piece; it's a gaping void that leads to frustration (Read the article coming next week about sex and the role it plays in love:sex&love). Point is, distance is going to leave a gap in the expression of love no matter how hard we try to bridge it.
The second part is easy, trust, an elemental component of any relationship, yet exponentially more precarious in an ldr. Of course, they trust you and of course, you trust them, I do not doubt that one bit, but- Do you know why banks are delocalized? Your first answer is access and you are right, we need to be able to access our monies in as close to instantly as possible. But also, for trust. The more access you have because there's a branch right there in your local town and the more you see that KCB logo and signboards; the more trustworthy they seem. Because you can always walk in when theres a problem and leave when its sorted or at least the sit down with a manager gives you enough confidence in them to wait for your issue to be dealt with. If you are displeased, then the people in the queue will definitely know that you are displeased, doesn’t matter whether your issue is sorted immediately or not, but at least they know you’re displeased. There is satisfaction in that, in expressing your anger and problems(healthily ofc) just as it is important to express love. So how do you take me seriously when you can't hold me and apologize? How do I trust that you are being sorry? Basically From my conversations, I find that distance above a lot of things makes it strenuous and frustrating to fix problems and someone said that fights in a relationship are a sign of a healthy relationship. So how do you properly address that? (Share your views in the comment section.)
Anyways, that’s the two central things I have found myself unable to settle within being in a long-distance relationship. But you’re asking what about the ones that work? In my experience, it only works for a while because both parties try so hard for it to work. But here's the more straight answer; My findings are that they work in a limited set of scenarios, neither good. Read with a bit of an open mind, it might make sense. Both parties are aware of the problems that face an LDR, but unfortunately, both parties also want it to work as such is young love, so the first problem is that neither party will back down and if you are fortunate enough to have listened to Kenny as a child you know; you gotta know when to walk away. That translates to the problems you cannot fix not being addressed to you because otherwise, it feels like burdening or complaining(why would you present problems that your partner can’t fix, it's not anyone’s fault that the distance exists). The second mistake that people forget is that we spend most of our time thinking about the things that we withhold, the feelings we try so much to hide. Therefore that unresolved issue that they cannot tell you about has been bothering them since last year April. And the third mistake that absolutely neither will admit is sexual dissatisfaction. Sex plays a role in the expression of love and a lack of it inevitably leads to a frustration. But see, that frustration is not voiced or even acknowledged so remember how all we think about are the feelings we hide? That frustration is expressed through random little fights. If anyone asked why you’ve been fighting so much, you don’t know, and even worse, you don’t notice.
But see you love each other so you attempt to fix what you think is the problem. If the frustration goes on a bit too much one party cheats, and no it doesn’t even have to be sex. But there's a new trustee that one party is sharing their problems with(problems they should be addressing with you but they love you and since there's nothing you can do from that distance, it's best to wait until they see you) And with realization there comes over compensation. And with overcompensation, all the signs of an unhealthy relationship are swept under the rug. And the vicious cycle of long-distance love continues. Never aware of it until you can't take it anymore.

I am not saying that I don’t believe in long-distance relationships because I’ve heard these stories or that I've seen too many fail, It’s the efficiency of the failure, the repetition of the pattern. And I know what she’ll tell you when you share this with her,” Ours will be different” but no, love was already invented, it won't work, eventually. Mere will isn't enough to run love.