Basics.

Definition  is an insanely interesting subject for me. Word choice especially, how they say things and especially with which words they choose to say it in. But even more interesting, are what I very recently learned are called Gerund Phrases. You know this like in popular phrases like consumed by rage, falling in love, lost in thought, drowning in emotion or even surrendering to passion. Of course, it makes sense in a phrase but independently the choice of words was always suspect, why is love considered a fall? Why is marriage which is supposed to be the most beautiful experience referred to as settling down? Why not settling up? Does this make as much sense for you as it does for me? Considering how much word choice influences our understanding of concepts. So in this spiral, I go back to my favourite word to listen to people try to define; Love. I have decided that we are unable to define love unless we are actively in love. It's an outside-the-club looking-in kind of situation...

Quality time isn’t just about the time spent together, the ‘quality’ in there means something. It doesn’t matter that you are in love with each other, quality has to be perpetuated. I agree that the love languages are meant to incorporate each other but lately, I’ve been wondering if each on its own can serve a purpose in relationships. Of course not while neglecting the other love languages but also independently. And in my interactions, I find often that quality time is often downplayed, and I figured, are they doing it right? So this addresses that. Hopefully. At its core, quality time is about connection. It's those moments that bring us closer, creating memories and strengthening bonds. It's not just about physical proximity either; it's about emotional closeness. It's when you're fully present with someone, sharing experiences, and engaging in meaningful conversations. Quality time is the backbone of any strong relationship. It fosters understanding, build...

The thing with adulting is that everything is ultimately up to you, there are always decisions to make and unfortunately, the pursuit of perfection often becomes a mirage, in my opinion shielding you from the joy of life which in itself is an imperfection. Making mistakes is not only inevitable but essential, but I bet you already know that. The beauty of imperfection lies in the lessons we glean from our missteps, shaping us into more resilient and adaptable beings. The key is not to aim for a flawless journey but to make informed mistakes whose consequences are bearable and, more importantly, affordable. This mindset shift grants us control over our lives, allowing us to navigate through uncertainties with a little more confidence as opposed to fear and regret. Think of yourself as the artist who dares to experiment with unconventional mediums, finding their unique voice amidst the cacophony of critiques. Your life belongs unequivocally to you, as such it is important to make it ...

The other day, someone asked me what it was about community work that had my heart and if I felt despair over the little we’re capable of in the grand scheme of the world’s problems and, I could think of a couple answers; but the one that felt like it truly expressed my passion for it was one worded; Hope. They always say that it's the little things, right? But you don't truly know how potent "little" can be until you've seen your actions reflected in someone else's eyes. I’ll admit that sometimes, I get caught up in the grand scheme of things. Am I doing enough? Couldn't I be doing more? I start to compare and despair because, well, the world's troubles are like one of those never-ending movie franchises. You always think you've seen the last of them, then boom! Sequel. And why are YOU thinking about Fast and the Furious? But through my time volunteering, I've come to learn that perhaps the greatest expression of hope is the extension of a hel...

There is so much that goes unsaid and I always thought it was because these were things everyone knew but as life got more complicated so did even the simpler things; thus my mom would say while hurling something at you, “common sense is really not common”. You discover this painfully for yourself as you age. But anyways, love ended up on that list of things that got overly complicated, the divisions of platonic and romantic as well as family love got more distant that I wonder if you told your friend you love them, would they feel something, anything?. Here's something about friendship I would love very much if everyone knew, acknowledged and understood, friendship is in every sense of the word, love. Not any lesser than romantic love or family love, it is love, that’s why friends turn into family and that’s why friends to lovers tropes exist. And if they haven’t said it in a while, let me say it for them. Your friends truly do love you. And here's the best way to reciprocate ...

If you are in a long-distance relationship perhaps it isn’t the best thing for you to read my thoughts on it. You would not agree one bit with everything else in this piece but if you do insist on hearing me out- a grain of salt. (and no, Juja and Rongai do not count as a long-distance relationship). The following is a conclusion I came to on why I, which of course denotes personal preference, would not be in a long-distance relationship. Of course through a multitude of conversations with has-beens and even currents in long-distance relationships. So I know what you’re thinking, “he’s probably going to say his love language is physical touch and yadda yadda,” but you’re wrong. If you’ve read my blog you know I don’t believe in those. My opinions are not that superficial, unfortunately. I found that like a lot of things in life, ldr’s are difficult and complicated but basically in my opinion it came down to this. Love, in its essence, remains unaltered by distance. From how...

If there's one thing that has remained a constant beacon in my life, it's the echo of ink on paper—the art of writing. As the years have flowed, it has become more apparent to me that writing is not just a craft for authors or poets. It's a universal sanctuary, one that whispers to the young, hums with the adults, and sings loudly with the elderly. In my interactions and in my public speaking talks, theres always one question that finds its way back to me. And oh boy if I had a penny for every time I've been asked about the magic trick behind good articulation, I'd probably own a small island by now. My answer, invariably, has been: "Write." Writing, you see, is not just the piecing together of words. It's a dance of thoughts, a bridge between our deepest emotions and the world outside. When we scribble our dreams, rant about our day, or just make up wild stories about a dove who's secretly a spy (don't steal that, I might write...

  This will be a series of pieces so I label this I. Don’t get me wrong, I love that mental health is such a thing now and that there are more conversations about it and a resulting awareness and that is just beautiful to speak the least. More people are seeing therapists(at least around my circles) and we can now joke about things we couldn’t before. And that’s good and I understand that it will take time for society to fully assimilate these learnings, but about certain topics, I feel like they start on the wrong end. Think of me as someone unqualified sharing my thoughts on how I think we should approach these conversations more effectively, a little similar to your boyfriend shouting instructions and suggestions during a football match, despite having little understanding of the game's dynamics. Pushing the hedonistic agenda when you are someone that struggles with self-harm is especially paradoxical, but what can I say, Moses saw the promised land he was never going to reach....

 I have been struggling with Forgiveness as an act and as a philosophy for a while so I went in to see my doctor about it and the whole time I’m seated there listening to her, I’m thinking “it's not fair.” She’s talking about forgiveness and how it's choosing to accept what happened instead of focusing on what should’ve, that it simply means letting go and stepping into the present instead of anchoring in the past and don’t get me wrong, she’s right, I agree with her. But I still can't stop thinking, “do I want that?, do I just let go?” People think that not forgiving is anchoring into the past, and I’m here thinking about how I still feel like it happened this morning. If it really was in the past, it would remain there, like childhood memories or toys or childhood friends. But this, trauma doesn’t feel like that, it's like every day I go to the cinema to watch it happen all over again in 3D, every day. And she’s seated there across me saying, "let go?" ...

  By this point my emote is ‘a guy that writes about things we already know and don’t really think about' and no shit Sherlock, the blog is called Basics. Anyways, one of those things happened again, I zoned out and life started reflecting. We all know that life goes on, or have at least used the ‘time waits for no man’ proverb in those primary school JESMA compositions (yuck), but do you ever really think about what it means? I know you know what it means, but do you ever really think about it? Life is the greatest show ever with extremely unprecedented twists and turns right thereafter WWE. But that’s the thing, life hasn’t been updated yet so you cannot pause or simply skip parts that you aren’t the audience for, you go through it anyways. A lot of resonance with life moving on is almost always attached to death and helping people that are grieving and that’s true but I think the more important part is to understand that life goes on even when you are alive. You see friend, li...

 I look to the Bible as more than just a religious text but more of a self-help book. Being not as much of a believer and still having b being brought up in a Christian family means I learnt and benefit from the bible in more than just its religious form. One of my most internalized lessons is from prayer and how it works.  We pray to a supreme being, not because they don't know what our needs are, not because they lack understanding of what would make your life better but because it's essential for you to acknowledge what you need. Prayer is so much more than just the prayer itself. there's the presentation of how humble you have to be to pray, the form you take and how you present it(tone, choice of words). Carrying that out of context makes me realise that people are not oblivious half the time and the other half genuinely don't know. As such, literally, everyone will tell you how important communication is. Communication is important for even things that should be c...

 In the book Becoming God, there is a concept I pursue about who we become and who we are when we are not ourselves. I would like to softly introduce that concept to you (would appreciate hearing your criticism and thoughts on it). That things you do, things you’ve done become you, they offer sight into who you could be. Does not guarantee it, but assures the possibility. And that’s the thing, that is what I will refer to as indicative behaviour. You convince yourself that the bad things you do are out of character for you, that you would not normally do them and yet this is how they become normality. You lie to someone you think less of and that’s your excuse for lying but in truth,  that’s how you become a liar. You accuse people of deserving your hurt and you think it's because they are bad people but you see, you hurt someone, and you become the villain. And I know what you are thinking, everyone's a villain in someone's story, right? But this isn’t about the story, t...

We all have our ideal selves, the us we are in our heads. The us we are inside the mirror. The us that we work so tirelessly to become, the you that you see when you look in the mirror. But the question becomes, are you able to see the difference between who that is, and who you are? Are you delusional enough to believe that you are the man in the mirror? You see, they were not being literal when they said that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. That’s the creepy thing about mirrors for me, what you see is not exactly what the next person will see, you will see a beat down you and someone could see an achieved you, thus the beholder. The thing however is to understand why, to understand deeply that what you see is not what everyone sees, that your envisionment of yourself is not everyone’s reality of you. I have seen enough posts about telling people they are who they think they are, and I agree but the half part is, that you are only who you think you are to yourself. The forced...

I intended to write about this way early into last year because of how shit the gifts I received that year was, but life comes at you so fast I hadn’t gotten time to research and do the yadayada before writing an article such as this. But then I met someone that reignited that spark only this time it was different, the complete opposite. They gifted me with sequences that were the most thoughtful gifts ever, and I mean ever. But then it occurred to me that it was much more than the thoughtfulness of the gifts and thus we are here to explore gifting a little more. I am overflowing with emotion over those gifts as I write this; Before we delve into it, love languages are meant to be independent as well as integrated and as such, this article is not meant for gifters and lovers that only understand love in gifting rather this is an article for you if you intend to express a little more love into the world, to your loved ones, to your victims. You see dear reader, gifts aren...

 So, one question, Do you understand that the man in the mirror belongs to you? Do you fully comprehend that you belong to yourself? (damn, that was two questions. Math is hard) Anyways, as you read this, keep in mind that I will use words that will refer to villainy a lot, try your best to not overthink it, keep an open mind. The simplest way to look at this is through people's actions and words; you see, it takes a lot of self compelling and self-confidence and sometimes delusion to be a villain, while being a hero is nothing more than the instinct of what is right, a concept bred. The most notable difference between a superhero and a villain is that supes do what they do for everyone else, they get off the happiness and the well-being of others while a villain is motivated from within, I'll let you pick which is better, which is beside the point. Villains dedicate their lives to what they believe, they convince themselves of their intent. And that, ladies and ...

  I agree with the general sentiment that the world needs therapy because even in ways we are unaware of, the world in its ugly ways has poked its fangs into our lives, left us scarred. And yes, while we are the world, we are its victims too. The paradox of simultaneousness. Anyhow, that’s far from what this is about. From a misguided savior’s complex, which still is you know none-the-less saving stead, people went too far and decided to bring therapy to the world. From social media therapists to therapy patients, quotes and sayings from therapy have been released to the public. This reminds me of when someone said they don’t read self-help books because “what does a middle-aged white man living in a first-world country know about growing up as a black woman in Africa” and I think about that a lot. Because word? While not always ill-targeted, we need to understand that concepts we consume that are meant to be influential shouldn’t always be because simply; circumstance....

The question usually is why I called my blog Basics. The answer is rather simple, the things I talk about are things we already know about, they're basic. All I do is provide a little retrospect and sometimes different perspective. I discovered that we know so much, but knowing only implies understanding, it does not mean it. What I'm going to be writing about below are things you know, and I'm sorry about the monotony but as you read this, it's of import that you pay attention; that you understand. So recently, one of the most urban and gorgeous person I know was abused, and talking to her I kept realizing that it's not that she didn't know, it's not naivety that gets people abused. It really isn't. As children of God, I find that humans, like their father, are very judgemental. And sitting in the seat of the judge means you feel pure, exempt from the happenings of those you judge. We convince ourselves that we would handle things better if ...

We all want forever, i mean at least for the things we enjoy and the people we enjoy being with. Relationships is such situations, once you're in a good relationship, you never really want it to end, you always want to wake up next to them, to have more dates, to visit more places together, to be happier. But you see, the tragedy is, nothing lasts forever, so we make things last for as long as we can. I know you know that, but do you really understand that you know it? When we talk about relationships, all people think about is how it begins and the course of it, call it hopeful thinking even. And thinking about the end might be considered anticipating it or you could choose to call it being thoughtful. In relationships, we always hope it ends well if it ever does because in the moment we are so in love with this person. So the technicals of how it ends and possibly the when are left to hope. Choosing to focus on the now, and not really the end. And Hope is such a bleak context.  T...

I do understand, really. To give because you get. People attach reward to everything right? I mean why do something if it has no returns? I agree actually. But my problem is with the fail of acknowledgement to forms of reward that exist. Especially with deeds of decency and human welfare.  There's a heart gratuity that comes with helping strangers, like orphans or street kids, it makes you feel better about yourself because little by little, you're doing your part to make the world a better place for the people you can. But here's the weird part, you will not let yourself feel the same amount of gratuity from helping people in your life. You see, I do understand the difference in ability. The orphan can't extend a hand back but your friend can, yes. But that quote about holding yourself back from helping people because if you needed help they wouldn't do the same? You're probably right about them not going to do the same if you needed the help but if you can hel...

Simply because someone gives us love. We expect bliss. We convince ourselves that they could be nothing but angels. So, when the pain comes, they become devils. It becomes a breach, a betrayal.  We begin to question the very love we couldn't live without. Simply because now they are causing pain as if the two cannot coexist. As if one does not simply come after the other. Because a cup broke, does it cease to become a cup? Is it simply not just a broken cup? Isn't pain simply broken love? You see, everyone is capable of love as much as they are capable of causing pain. We have all been hurt by people that loved us, we have all hurt people we love. It's unfair to doubt it, the love. They will hurt you, you need to understand that and not be scared of that eventuality. Eventuality exists in the future, don't forget to live in the now