Basics.

I was in my first relationship a little early last year, and it was alright. But when it ended, i couldn't stop thinking about why it did, i mean put the instantaneous reasons aside, now that i think of it, there was way more than that, and i just couldn't stop thinking about it, why didn't it work. It lacked something, a reason most of us don't really put into consideration, the basic reason as to why we go into relationships. I find that for people, the reason to why they're in a relationship is because of characters of their partner. I can't say what hers was(i mean,ha, like there could be a reason to be with me except pity),  for others it's because they can, for others it's because their partner is pretty or some other superficial reason. See, we only think about what we're getting, we assume they want us too so they must be getting something, we don't really figure out what we are actually giving. And this being selfish isn't even my...

Responsibility as a human trait is a factor that has always remained at a perfect equilibrium. Something or someone has to take blame and as often is with the human specie, disseminate blame. It’s either your fault, their fault or something’s fault. Now, it is important to remember that where the responsibility falls isn’t always where the actual blame lies. Let’s see into that a little, how often do people accept blame, how often do people say yes, “that is my fault?” how often do you? I will answer that for you, rarely and at best, not often enough. A burden lies with responsibility, a need to set things right, a guilt and thus a lot of people would preferably escape these. However though, while you read this article, I would like you to think back to and remember the times you did take blame. I’m going to mention a little about stats you could already know, but as you scheme through, pay a little more thought into it, thank you. ·       ...

Trust me, I know how beautiful the stuff of fairy tales  is. But what if I burst your little bubble and said that fairy tales  are nothing more than altered realities, that someone creates fairy tales , that someone is responsible for destiny. (And I know how badly they deserve to be punched in the face.) What I am simply saying is that you are not the winner of destiny, rather the victim of it. Hear me out. For destiny to work, there's always more than one person involved. What if everyone else was in on it except you? Think about it. You could meet the love of your life at the coffee shop reading your favorite novel with your favorite colors on and whatever more you fantasise  it to be like and oh boy wouldn’t that be beautiful destiny, unless they already knew this about you, unless they knew exactly what to do to stun you like that. You bump into your employer on the street and you get offered a job or money or whatever, and that’s cute, unless of course you we...

Now, as much as people parade to be in control, there are those few factors that are just beyond us as humans. Pain and Hurt are such. They demand to be felt and there’s really not much we can naturally do to outrun or ignore these feelings. Again, they demand to be felt. But at the same time, pain is not relative. I, for instance, are terribly terrified of needles yet my little sister not as much. While one thing could cause you tremendous pain, to the next guy it could tickle. While Tai Lung’s Nerve Attack totally wrecked the Furious Five, it only tickled Po. But the trick is, it is not a measure of strength or weakness.  So while you’re thinking about it, in your everyday life, we do so many things both consciously and subconsciously. Out of all these human feats, our friends, spouses and strangers get offended, they get hurt. Notice I said friends too? (For the rest of this idea, I’ll refer you to a previous article, Consideration. ) More often than not the intention t...

Whenever something wrong happens, to begin the fixing part or moving on part, blame has to be issued. So, whose fault is it? Here’s good news, there’s always going to be an else. Someone or something that you can blame, surprisingly at no extra cost at all. Notice I said extra. Now I get how with nothing to lose how easy that would be to do. But what’s rarely ever in the picture is the impact of someone or something else carrying your blame, the fact that fault does serve a purpose. See, when you accept blame, the subconscious asks “why” and in turn answers the “how” which is the problem. The manifestation of this is the guilt you feel. And because that sucks, your subconscious again goes ahead to formulate an anti-again parameter so it doesn’t happen again. What you may choose to call fixing the problem. Unfortunately, the past cannot be fixed, at least until they invent a time machine or discover a portal to the past. But basically it won’t happen again. Not accepting faul...

The world is a cruel place. And we are the world, committing cruelties like it’s our job. But of all the pain that’s a byproduct of this cruelty, at least the ones we are sorry about, no one understands guilt better than the executioner. And no matter what you do, no matter what you say, no matter how you say it, (bet you were expecting another no matter, ha) No one will really ever understand how sorry you are. No one will know what it’s like for you when you’re drowning in guilt. At least not in as much accuracy as you do. And on the worse days, they won’t even believe you. Only you know for sure that you are remorseful, only you really believe that it wasn’t intentional. Only you understand. It’s only fair that you be the first to forgive yourself. Yes, forgiveness doesn’t fix everything, but that first aid will you keep you alive. Of all the people in the world, you deserve your forgiveness the most. They don’t have to forgive you, but you do. It will mean way more when yo...

The most common idea of a soulmate is identical. Someone that gets you, someone that likes the things you do, places you do. Honestly however I do not get it. I mean you have a mirror already. How is someone supposed allegedly find happiness in monotony. I get the sharing of things you like with someone but what do they share with you? I mean congratulations on finding your soulmate, but you already like those things, how is that fun? How do you discover places and tastes, what to like and what not to like? I think it should be more about discovering. I think the special thing about soulmates is how different they are and you still being able to connect. I think it’s beautiful when you learn, oh trust me, its magnificent to discover. How does a planet so diverse not embrace diversity? Why are you looking for yourself in others? What about finding yourself in them? Its better half, not same half.

Hurting and getting hurt are as inevitable as Thanos, maybe even as necessary as He was. No matter how much of a darling or saint you are, you have hurt someone, and no matter how high your walls are, you will get hurt, besides, why you have walls that high anyway? And I’m not even talking about karma, just the tragedy that life is. So we’ve both been hurt before right? (if your answer is no, this is a rhetoric) an unpleasancy that was right? But then again, there exist some unpleasant people that do deserve these unpleasancies. So to them, this becomes an execution. But do you deserve these hurts you have been subjected to?(again, if your answer is yes here, this is a rhetoric.) no you do not. So this was not an execution right? Right. Let’s switch the pov for a minute (don’t count) You have hurt someone before, it isn’t your place to decide if you did or not btw. Now I’ll assume that at the time or perchance still currently love(d) that person or at least respect(ed) them. S...

A couple of months ago you'd have asked me what the silliest thing my therapist had recommended and it would have been easily Affirmations. I mean, is it just me or does "speak it into existence" take the crown for the dumbest phrase ever. And I'd take the joke a little further and say in my head "Tomorrow I'll wake up a millionaire" and laugh a little louder. But a few months ago, a close friend of mine got into a relationship. And I interacted with her boyfriend and Affirmations came up again. The entire time I'm thinking, silly. but over time we became friends and we spoke more and he said, Try it.  If it doesn't work, you don't have anything you get to lose. And boy do I like to prove people wrong. So I began my Affirmation trench.  And I was happy when it didn't work, I really was. My life was still shitty a month later. I was right? A while later, I was next in line to make a presentation to an employer of mine and subco...

Maybe it's just me or circles I'm in, but all types of human association are becoming more short lived and even less memorable. Human experience is a total non-recommend at this point. Friendships are ending fast and relationships don't last any longer than how long it takes your boyfriends to cum(yes that's a burn). And well, like always, everyone's blaming the next person. It's always them huh?( It wasn't me by Shaggy starts playing ) What about what you did? So typically, the problem is society. no wait, i mean we as society are the problem. But what you don't know is what the actual problem is, and I'll tell you. I call it mirroring . Yes, from mirror. Let's explore what it means.  You know what you call preferences, when you say you prefer a particular habit, or when certain habits don't excite you and you think, ah why would anyone like that? That's the problem. Now i'm not saying there's a problem with you having pre...

Whew, i just tried to count how many decisions i have made today and they are not just a lot. Its like every minute, consciously or subconsciously, we're always making a decision. To do or not to do, to move or not to, to speak or not to, to be or not to be(which is always the big question (see what i did there?) . Everything has an alternative to it and choosing which is heavy duty. Now most of the things you're thinking are subtle, you can almost always decide which without having to REALLY think about it. But as love progresses, there are bigger calls, bigger decisions that need you to not only think about what to do or say but to really evaluate. But we don't always know how to go about these, so like fellowship was meant to be, we seek advice. We seek outside opinion looking to make the best decision, to have the best outcome. And wit globalisation coming at us, therapy and professional help is becoming digitized as well. So you can get pro help or sub pro help from t...

So here's a short story with a lesson at the end of it, I hope you enjoy it. And no, you're not too old for this. So in a time unknown (could be the past, the future or the present, you decide.) a hunter goes out into a forest, searches for a nice spot where he's sure prey will linger and sets a fall in trap. He then goes home ×××× That was a scene change.ha In a different part of the forest, not too far from where the trap is set, Prey(herbivorous) feeds on grass peacefully, then out of almost nowhere, Predator charges. As destiny will have it, Prey takes a run for it. (My voice here changes into that of Natgeo's commentator) he's running towards the thicker part of the forest hoping to lose Predator. With more or less an okay gap, he keeps pace,he's alive. Light at the end of the tunnel if you will. But from a distance he sees the hole in the ground, totally unaware it's the Hunter's trap. So he momentarily slows down to make a call, he knows Preda...

You ever breathe something and it chokes you? That's how you know something in the air is toxic, or at least majorly. Lately toxicity has become scentless, you need way more than your nose to tell if you are breathing in the right stuff.. But who's the scientist here because I'm not talking about airal contamination. You see, in the same way there's toxicity in the air, so is there in humanity. There are people who are just not good for you. And i, a not yet qualified doctor recommend that you get off that, it's bad for you. But I'll tell you how another day, hoping the toxicity around you doesn't kill you by then. Instead, we'll revert to step one, identification of these toxicities. Even though it's relatively easily to spot toxic people, sometimes like perfume that chokes you, it's not that easy to point it out. So here's a user's guide do identify toxic people. Keep in mind, it cuts across all people, your lover isn't allowed...

Folklore and under our beds is where monsters lived. Went a little further and featured in our nightmares on those bad nights. Some of us, or at least most of us found comfort in believing that monsters didn't exist, life was easier like that. That it was all tell and tale. So when we woke up in the morning with scars, bleeding, it had to be anything else but imaginary beasts. So we blamed everything and everyone else. At the end of the day, the capacity to hold blame and guilt was most massive within ourselves. So the spectrum shifted. It was us. We were to blame. So slowly, the world wasn't scary for monsters anymore. They didn't exist afterall. So they crawled out from under our bed and from our nightmares into our lives. They became family, we fell in love with them, they became friends, they became the society. They grew ferocious and developed appetite. They became invincible, they didn't exist anyway so. So they emotionally and verbally and sexually and physi...

I think this is the most controversial issue I have come across. You either just got out of one, just got into one, are thinking about getting into one with particulars or are advising your friends on theirs. Either way, directly or indirectly you are part of relationships. Allow me to give you my take a.k.a basic rules to being in a relationship. Rule number 1; you are not in a relationship unless it's called out and both of you are aware of it. A lot of people I have met with torn relationships aren't usually surprised at it ending because they just "found" themselves in the situations and didn't know how to say no to being called baby or got carried away and was in too deep by the time they got word of it. Thus there's a lot of indecisiveness. Petty disagreements cause hurt: not posting each other, spending time with other people more, being too busy, still talking to the ex, still talking to the would've-been, still got hoes and most prominently, ...

And in your travels, so much happens, things go right, many others go wrong and oh well, that's just how life goes. But among those things is hurt and pain. You will get hurt, you will experience pain, and I'm not just talking physical. A little more importantly, you will cause pain, you will disappoint. And there's quite nothing wrong with that, it happens, flawlessness is a myth. But at the end of the day,  assuming there's remorse and that disappointment and pain wasn't intentional  what matters most is what happens next. I'll try describe what should happen next: you should feel bad about what you did, then think " if I could go back in time,I'd do that differently ", then you'll say that you're sorry. You could be forgiven, or not, that shouldn't bother you much, you're sorry and meant your apology. But see,the problem now is, the world is becoming blurry-visioned. You cannot see well what is an...

I like to believe the universe is at balance. The good and the bad all cancelling out in alternates. But today, I'd like to ask, is the bad in your universe, in your life being cancelled out by good?no, wait. I'll do you one better, is the good in your life being appreciated,? Not playing blind to all the bad that's happening but life has a lot of good things going on for you. I'll be more particular with the good you'll be reading about today. Opportunities. Opportunities offered are heavy. They accompany with them a love, a trusting in you, a belief in your abilities. There's a whole lotta pain and loss in unappreciated opportunity.  Dating is an opportunity to be with someone, Moving in with someone is an opportunity to a friendship, Internship, Business partnerships, Caretaking, House keeping, Baby sitting. Every interaction with people we make are opportunities to do much more that we sometimes take for granted. That we sometimes don't appreciate enough...

There's like  on the down low a million articles, quotes, songs or poetry that's encouraging trial. Encouraging you to go against odds and just TRY. But let's jog for a minute, say you try tried to run faster but still lost the race, basically anything you try and fail. What does it matter? I'm not saying it's not good that you tried, wait, that's precisely what I'm saying. Trial is the definite equal to inadequacy.and no, not enough just won't do. Now turn the brightness up and let me tell you why you failed,at least majorly why. Quite simple really: you failed because to you,it was just an attempt, you didn't want it enough, you were just TRYING. See, trial comes with it the comfort of it's aight if you do not succeed, that it's normal to fail. That's why I'm proclaiming myself, blasphemize if you'll let me coin, the anti-try. That's why it's easy for people to go round doing so many random things wrong wit...

Immense writings in forms of songs, poetry, articles and books have been done by remarkable persons over the years. Trick is, love seems to be different from one expression of it to another. I agree with all of them however. Did I say all? So the question is, has love evolved?, is Iove dependent on circumstance? Or whatever you're thinking. Tell you what, Love is what you make of it.Fuck what you've read about love, fuck what you've deduced from watching films about love, to hell with what they said about love. Think of Love as a god( to be gender sensitive, sometimes god is a woman.and no I do not mean goddess ). And this god has reincarnated in you Picasso, Davinci maybe even Eminem or whoever you admire as a creator of masterpieces. And your relationship is a canvas. You have the ability to make out of it whatever you want. Make love what you need it to be, make it what you desire of it. Own love. See, the moment you start making it what you read or heard you're...

Might as well be the cracking of the Davinci Code. If you ever honestly want know what's actually going on with  someone( spoiler; the Davinci code is another Basic ) All you have to do is add really . If you ask someone what they're doing and what they're really doing, bet your bottom dollar the answers will vary, and that's just an instance, add really to every question with a possibility of evasion from the actual and you'll see. But I'm going to focus on one question in particular., rather a particular concept. How you are,how you feel so, "How are you, really ?/what's wrong,  really ?/is anything the matter,  really ?" along a bunch of same concept questions posed. Now the twist here becomes, instead of you posing this question to someone else or somebody posing it to you, you're asking yourself how am I  really . I'll get to why in a short while. Little detour. Let's agree on a few things.it's alright to react, it's...