Basics.

If there's one thing that has remained a constant beacon in my life, it's the echo of ink on paper—the art of writing. As the years have flowed, it has become more apparent to me that writing is not just a craft for authors or poets. It's a universal sanctuary, one that whispers to the young, hums with the adults, and sings loudly with the elderly. In my interactions and in my public speaking talks, theres always one question that finds its way back to me. And oh boy if I had a penny for every time I've been asked about the magic trick behind good articulation, I'd probably own a small island by now. My answer, invariably, has been: "Write." Writing, you see, is not just the piecing together of words. It's a dance of thoughts, a bridge between our deepest emotions and the world outside. When we scribble our dreams, rant about our day, or just make up wild stories about a dove who's secretly a spy (don't steal that, I might write

  This will be a series of pieces so I label this I. Don’t get me wrong, I love that mental health is such a thing now and that there are more conversations about it and a resulting awareness and that is just beautiful to speak the least. More people are seeing therapists(at least around my circles) and we can now joke about things we couldn’t before. And that’s good and I understand that it will take time for society to fully assimilate these learnings, but about certain topics, I feel like they start on the wrong end. Think of me as someone unqualified sharing my thoughts on how I think we should approach these conversations more effectively, a little similar to your boyfriend shouting instructions and suggestions during a football match, despite having little understanding of the game's dynamics. Pushing the hedonistic agenda when you are someone that struggles with self-harm is especially paradoxical, but what can I say, Moses saw the promised land he was never going to reach.

 I have been struggling with Forgiveness as an act and as a philosophy for a while so I went in to see my doctor about it and the whole time I’m seated there listening to her, I’m thinking “it's not fair.” She’s talking about forgiveness and how it's choosing to accept what happened instead of focusing on what should’ve, that it simply means letting go and stepping into the present instead of anchoring in the past and don’t get me wrong, she’s right, I agree with her. But I still can't stop thinking, “do I want that?, do I just let go?” People think that not forgiving is anchoring into the past, and I’m here thinking about how I still feel like it happened this morning. If it really was in the past, it would remain there, like childhood memories or toys or childhood friends. But this, trauma doesn’t feel like that, it's like every day I go to the cinema to watch it happen all over again in 3D, every day. And she’s seated there across me saying, "let go?" "

  By this point my emote is ‘a guy that writes about things we already know and don’t really think about' and no shit Sherlock, the blog is called Basics. Anyways, one of those things happened again, I zoned out and life started reflecting. We all know that life goes on, or have at least used the ‘time waits for no man’ proverb in those primary school JESMA compositions (yuck), but do you ever really think about what it means? I know you know what it means, but do you ever really think about it? Life is the greatest show ever with extremely unprecedented twists and turns right thereafter WWE. But that’s the thing, life hasn’t been updated yet so you cannot pause or simply skip parts that you aren’t the audience for, you go through it anyways. A lot of resonance with life moving on is almost always attached to death and helping people that are grieving and that’s true but I think the more important part is to understand that life goes on even when you are alive. You see friend, li

 I look to the Bible as more than just a religious text but more of a self-help book. Being not as much of a believer and still having b being brought up in a Christian family means I learnt and benefit from the bible in more than just its religious form. One of my most internalized lessons is from prayer and how it works.  We pray to a supreme being, not because they don't know what our needs are, not because they lack understanding of what would make your life better but because it's essential for you to acknowledge what you need. Prayer is so much more than just the prayer itself. there's the presentation of how humble you have to be to pray, the form you take and how you present it(tone, choice of words). Carrying that out of context makes me realise that people are not oblivious half the time and the other half genuinely don't know. As such, literally, everyone will tell you how important communication is. Communication is important for even things that should be c

 In the book Becoming God, there is a concept I pursue about who we become and who we are when we are not ourselves. I would like to softly introduce that concept to you (would appreciate hearing your criticism and thoughts on it). That things you do, things you’ve done become you, they offer sight into who you could be. Does not guarantee it, but assures the possibility. And that’s the thing, that is what I will refer to as indicative behaviour. You convince yourself that the bad things you do are out of character for you, that you would not normally do them and yet this is how they become normality. You lie to someone you think less of and that’s your excuse for lying but in truth,  that’s how you become a liar. You accuse people of deserving your hurt and you think it's because they are bad people but you see, you hurt someone, and you become the villain. And I know what you are thinking, everyone's a villain in someone's story, right? But this isn’t about the story, t

We all have our ideal selves, the us we are in our heads. The us we are inside the mirror. The us that we work so tirelessly to become, the you that you see when you look in the mirror. But the question becomes, are you able to see the difference between who that is, and who you are? Are you delusional enough to believe that you are the man in the mirror? You see, they were not being literal when they said that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. That’s the creepy thing about mirrors for me, what you see is not exactly what the next person will see, you will see a beat down you and someone could see an achieved you, thus the beholder. The thing however is to understand why, to understand deeply that what you see is not what everyone sees, that your envisionment of yourself is not everyone’s reality of you. I have seen enough posts about telling people they are who they think they are, and I agree but the half part is, that you are only who you think you are to yourself. The forced

I intended to write about this way early into last year because of how shit the gifts I received that year was, but life comes at you so fast I hadn’t gotten time to research and do the yadayada before writing an article such as this. But then I met someone that reignited that spark only this time it was different, the complete opposite. They gifted me with sequences that were the most thoughtful gifts ever, and I mean ever. But then it occurred to me that it was much more than the thoughtfulness of the gifts and thus we are here to explore gifting a little more. I am overflowing with emotion over those gifts as I write this; Before we delve into it, love languages are meant to be independent as well as integrated and as such, this article is not meant for gifters and lovers that only understand love in gifting rather this is an article for you if you intend to express a little more love into the world, to your loved ones, to your victims. You see dear reader, gifts aren

 So, one question, Do you understand that the man in the mirror belongs to you? Do you fully comprehend that you belong to yourself? (damn, that was two questions. Math is hard) Anyways, as you read this, keep in mind that I will use words that will refer to villainy a lot, try your best to not overthink it, keep an open mind. The simplest way to look at this is through people's actions and words; you see, it takes a lot of self compelling and self-confidence and sometimes delusion to be a villain, while being a hero is nothing more than the instinct of what is right, a concept bred. The most notable difference between a superhero and a villain is that supes do what they do for everyone else, they get off the happiness and the well-being of others while a villain is motivated from within, I'll let you pick which is better, which is beside the point. Villains dedicate their lives to what they believe, they convince themselves of their intent. And that, ladies and g

  I agree with the general sentiment that the world needs therapy because even in ways we are unaware of, the world in its ugly ways has poked its fangs into our lives, left us scarred. And yes, while we are the world, we are its victims too. The paradox of simultaneousness. Anyhow, that’s far from what this is about. From a misguided savior’s complex, which still is you know none-the-less saving stead, people went too far and decided to bring therapy to the world. From social media therapists to therapy patients, quotes and sayings from therapy have been released to the public. This reminds me of when someone said they don’t read self-help books because “what does a middle-aged white man living in a first-world country know about growing up as a black woman in Africa” and I think about that a lot. Because word? While not always ill-targeted, we need to understand that concepts we consume that are meant to be influential shouldn’t always be because simply; circumstance. But

The question usually is why I called my blog Basics. The answer is rather simple, the things I talk about are things we already know about, they're basic. All I do is provide a little retrospect and sometimes different perspective. I discovered that we know so much, but knowing only implies understanding, it does not mean it. What I'm going to be writing about below are things you know, and I'm sorry about the monotony but as you read this, it's of import that you pay attention; that you understand. So recently, one of the most urban and gorgeous person I know was abused, and talking to her I kept realizing that it's not that she didn't know, it's not naivety that gets people abused. It really isn't. As children of God, I find that humans, like their father, are very judgemental. And sitting in the seat of the judge means you feel pure, exempt from the happenings of those you judge. We convince ourselves that we would handle things better if

We all want forever, i mean at least for the things we enjoy and the people we enjoy being with. Relationships is such situations, once you're in a good relationship, you never really want it to end, you always want to wake up next to them, to have more dates, to visit more places together, to be happier. But you see, the tragedy is, nothing lasts forever, so we make things last for as long as we can. I know you know that, but do you really understand that you know it? When we talk about relationships, all people think about is how it begins and the course of it, call it hopeful thinking even. And thinking about the end might be considered anticipating it or you could choose to call it being thoughtful. In relationships, we always hope it ends well if it ever does because in the moment we are so in love with this person. So the technicals of how it ends and possibly the when are left to hope. Choosing to focus on the now, and not really the end. And Hope is such a bleak context.  T

I do understand, really. To give because you get. People attach reward to everything right? I mean why do something if it has no returns? I agree actually. But my problem is with the fail of acknowledgement to forms of reward that exist. Especially with deeds of decency and human welfare.  There's a heart gratuity that comes with helping strangers, like orphans or street kids, it makes you feel better about yourself because little by little, you're doing your part to make the world a better place for the people you can. But here's the weird part, you will not let yourself feel the same amount of gratuity from helping people in your life. You see, I do understand the difference in ability. The orphan can't extend a hand back but your friend can, yes. But that quote about holding yourself back from helping people because if you needed help they wouldn't do the same? You're probably right about them not going to do the same if you needed the help but if you can hel

Simply because someone gives us love. We expect bliss. We convince ourselves that they could be nothing but angels. So, when the pain comes, they become devils. It becomes a breach, a betrayal.  We begin to question the very love we couldn't live without. Simply because now they are causing pain as if the two cannot coexist. As if one does not simply come after the other. Because a cup broke, does it cease to become a cup? Is it simply not just a broken cup? Isn't pain simply broken love? You see, everyone is capable of love as much as they are capable of causing pain. We have all been hurt by people that loved us, we have all hurt people we love. It's unfair to doubt it, the love. They will hurt you, you need to understand that and not be scared of that eventuality. Eventuality exists in the future, don't forget to live in the now

 Awareness is something we presumably know. But I find that we only think we know and aren't aware. But what's the difference? I would define awareness as the acknowledgment of knowledge, to know that you know, to know that you do not. People think that it is enough to know, but never really think about knowing that they know. Then again, but what's the point of knowing that you know if you already know it?  Okay, enough wordplay. When someone asks a question that you know the answer to, you just give it. But when you don't know the answer, you think about the answer you do not know. Now, do you think it makes you any lesser to not think of the answer? They say the thought counts, yes. So what if you thought about the answer you know before giving it. What if everything you know how to do, you'd think about, even though you know you know how to do it. Do you think you'd do better? Record scratch, let's look at it from a different angle. We can almost agree t

This should've been the one thing i should've written about first. it's always on my mind. let me know your views in the comment section.  do you ever mean for something in a positive way and it comes out all wrong or they get it all wrong? maybe something you say or something you do maybe because of the way you said or did it or their history  thats the difference between intention and interpretation. what you meant and how it got out. so can we control both?  

 So, why do relationships fail? There's not really a singular answer, there are lots of reasons. But I've been thinking about one so I'll share it with you?  The most basic way to ask this is, Can you tell the difference in the love you feel for your family from the one you feel for your friends and the kind for your romance partners? Can you say I love you to people and be able to be genuine and indifferent about how you mean it to people? I think not. everyone I have engaged within this was not able to, and for males, I concluded that's particularly why love for them was hard to say around each other or even to each other. It's because they only recognize love in a romantic setting, So they are unable to say they love each other, unable to recognize that they do. I think it is why when you say I love you to a friend, they would consider that a leeway, they become indifferent in the friendship wanting more because you love them, it subconsciously registers as somet

 When I was writing about diversity I kept thinking about compatibility. What kind of people are we most compatible with? And while the answer can be as broad and as definite as you want it to be the two basics are; someone who is as similar to you as possible or someone who is as different as you are to them.  Now the thinking behind the one that is similar to you is familiarity. Because this person is similar to yourself, you're comfortable and predictable, less anxiety you might think. But I know what you are thinking, doesn't that just mean you are with yourself inside your comfort zone, won't you ever explore news. Actually, you can explore together, so it does make sense. On top of which they get your anime references. Now the other side is, someone different, and yes I also know what you are thinking here. someone different means you might not entirely enjoy the things you enjoy and that they might not enjoy the half time they spend with you because well, you like we

 The one thing they won't tell you about self-discovery is that you really find out things about yourself. And there is allure in that, you become more certain. You become more confident in yourself, develop a sense of self that connects you better with who you are, make better decisions overall, and appreciate yourself more. But the thing we know but aren't exactly aware of as we begin this journey is that no one is perfect.  The one thing they won't tell you about self-discovery is that you find out things about yourself that aren't as impressive as we hope. We find out things that are ugly and unpleasant. And we're not ready so it's a little like a horror scene in a PG-rated film. It really takes you back, the discovery of the human monstrosity that is ourselves. And I know what you are thinking, ''the point to self-discovery is that we fix those parts of ourselves right?'' But this is where words really begin to play. See, we fix parts of our

 I think we all know that the same way we experience an immensely wide range of emotions, the people around us do too. But I have discovered that we are not aware of it.  Stemming from expectations we have and a subconscious filler, everyone around us is supposed and expected to be happy. Not that it is said but more because they expect the same too. You see, it has become so deep rooted that even though we might not openly take credit for it, other people around us being happy makes us happy. People will say that it is because moods are contagious and we get influenced by what others are feeling but in reality, we feel happy because we subconsciously attach a feeling of accomplishment. Our subconscious convinces itself and eventually us that we are somehow responsible for their happiness. So if you think about it, syndromes such as the savior complex or healer syndrome came to life from this. When someone around us is sad or crying or just generally unhappy, our subconscious convinces